Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
