I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just pee around me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
