glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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