she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
