our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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