I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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