How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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