I just gift wrapped bread.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
