Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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