my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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