So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
