so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Terrible idea I love it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
