So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
