so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
