Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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