The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
