i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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