It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
