when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
