I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
