Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize