Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
