So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
