So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
