Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
