Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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