her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
