my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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