You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
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Life is so much better after having sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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