I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
