I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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