I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
