Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
