this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want a musical about memes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize