Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
