thus making me awesome and them whores
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
