Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
