She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
