Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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