shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
