if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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