Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
