so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!