it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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