i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize