mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
