So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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