dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My balls are so social today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
