dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
