i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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