Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
