p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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