piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
