I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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