So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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