the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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