i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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