sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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