Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
