Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
