12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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