I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
