I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
