Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
