the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
