I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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