your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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