Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
