Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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