Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
