ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
