I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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