do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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