why didn't you poke me back
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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