Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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